Being pregnant for the very first time can feel wonderful but also scary in itself. Imagine when you live abroad and have to adapt to the new system, rules and culture. Not to mention giving birth in another language. What can go wrong? Everything, in fact. Birth is not mathematics. I was both super happy and scared.
Cultural differences can influence your reactions (or lack of reaction) and get you into a more painful and difficult birth. After hearing both successful and painful experiences from my foreign friends when giving birth in Norway, I decided to share my experience and opinion with you. (I’m not talking about medical conditions that are specific to a particular woman).
In some cultures, it’s impolite to argue with the doctor. In some cultures, it’s the midwife who makes the decisions when it comes to birth. In Norway, you, pregnant woman, must take an active role. Health workers expect that from you. It’s almost like you have both the right to do it and the obligation.
Here’s my story. I am Brazilian woman married to a Norwegian man and I have lived in Norway for eight years. In Brazil, we do not usually have a midwife who follows the pregnancy. It’s the doctors’ job to do it. At the first appointment, the doctor introduces himself:
-“Hello. I’m doctor Alves and I’ll be doing your labor.” If you want to have a midwife with you, you have to find one yourself and pay privately.
In Norway, the doctor only shows up in case of emergency or c-section. You have consultations with your physician and the midwife throughout the pregnancy, but not an obstetrician. Then it’s like that: It’s you and the baby who “will be doing your labor”. The midwife is a facilitator.
Brazil ranks second place in the world in number of cesarean operations; about 57% of all births. Unfortunately, there are far too many unnecessary surgeries when healthy women could give birth naturally. I don’t know why, but many people think it is safer to cut seven layers of skin, muscles and organs to get the baby out than for the baby to take the natural shortcut through the vagina. A habit that the authorities have tried to change. Maybe it’s about focusing on the doctors and not on the moms-to-be.
I was deeply influenced by my country’s culture when I came to my first consultation with a midwife in Norway:
-“Hi. I’m Juliana. I come from Brazil and when I give birth, I want a caesarean”.
-“We’ll see”, she said. She was nice and patient. The consultation went very well, she said that I was healthy and she asked me to wait a bit before deciding on the birth. While she was talking to me, I was just thinking about how to convince her next time.
A PHONE CALL THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING. One day, an old friend of mine called me. I hadn’t spoken with Adriana in many years. She was a mom to a toddler. She saw on Instagram that I was pregnant and called me from Brazil.
-“Hey Juliana. How are you? Congratulations! You are pregnant in Norway. You can give birth naturally”.
-“No. I’m going to have a caesarean”, I replied.
-“Ju, listen to me now. You’re so lucky. In Brazil, I had to look for a doctor who would help me give birth naturally. In Norway, they are specialized in natural births. It is fantastic. You have to use this opportunity! Giving birth naturally is the best thing for you and your baby. You can do it”.
After half an hour of conversation, I was convinced. -Yes, I can do this. Then I began to prepare myself for a natural birth.
1- I took Pilates courses for pregnant women, did breathing exercises.
2- I learned the Norwegian procedures and expressions about pregnancy and childbirth.
3- I went for daily walks in the forest.
4- I got cozy and spoke with the baby in my belly every day. What a fantastic feeling.
5- I took advice from my foreign friends who had had babies and learned from their mistakes. What a great pregnancy! I was having the time of my life.
Books I recommend are: “What to expect when you’re expecting”. “Hypnobirthing”.
YOU CANNOT HAVE NATURAL BIRTH AT YOUR AGE. On my way to my second appointment with the midwife, I was absolutely certain that I could give birth naturally. So lucky I was to live in Norway. When I entered her office, there was another midwife there because the first one had gone on vacation. The new midwife was completely different from the first one and gave me no reassurance. On the contrary.
-“I see here that you are almost forty years old”, she said, looking at the computer, not at me.
-“Uh… That’s correct, I replied”.
-“At your age, it is not recommended to give birth naturally. It’s best to do a caesarean”, she said.
Whaaat? She gave me no chance. I never came back there. I only continued with a visit to my GP, who was also a substitute, but she was great. What a skilled doctor. In Norway, you can visit both GP and midwife, or just one of them.
When I was 38 weeks pregnant, she realized that the baby had come to the birth position. Head down and lower. It was promising. I was excited and very happy.
Week 39. In the middle of the night, I felt something:
-Ouch! And -Ouch! again. I had never experienced that kind of pain before. Yep, there they were: the contractions.
We arrived at the hospital in the morning. There were many pregnant couples on the hallway. Some of the couples were sent back home and it scared me. I knew our baby was coming soon. I looked at my husband and pulled a Monica (from Friends) talking to chandler.
-“Listen to me”! I whispered strongly to my husband as I grabbed his t-shirt. -“I’m not going back home. Do you understand? If she sends us home, I’ll be waiting in the elevator. No way I’m leaving this hospital”. He could tell I wasn’t joking.
Then a midwife came and asked me to come in to be checked. I already had a 4 cm opening. The chief nurse knocked on the door and said she needed the room. Our midwife answered firmly:
-“Active birth here!” and we got to stay there.
-“Cool! I like her already! It looks like we’ve got the best midwife!” She was Danish. OMG! I had prepared myself to go through labor in Norwegian. But Danish?!!!
-“Four centimeters? Fantastic. Now I can have an epidural, right”?! I had done my homework.
-“No”. the midwife said. “Unfortunately, all the rooms on the ground floor are occupied. We have to wait a bit if you want to go there”.
-“Oh. What about happy gas? Can I have it?”
-“Yes, but I recommend that you take it when the opening is larger. Otherwise you will get used to it and will have no effect later when you really need it”.
-“Hum”. ( You’re not gonna win this, lady. I’ll find something to help me with the pain.) I looked around the room, pointed and said: -“Bathtub”! Yes. It was lovely in the bath. I could relax and actually felt like I got more opening. It was easier to endure the pain in the heat.
My husband helped me breathe and meditate when the contractions came. We got to listen to my best-birth-ever-Spotify-playlist (Yes, I had it all covered). It was helpful to hear my favorite songs. My husband played an active role in comforting and motivating me. The midwife understood that and gave us space while I was using mantras and visualization. This way, I got the pain cut in 50%. The pushing part was scary, intense, unique: I felt like a leopard. I was guided by the midwife, who was precise and competent. My daughter was born half an hour later while I was lying on the bed. I got good help from everyone: my husband, midwife and pediatric nurse. Everything went fast and well. The midwife complimented me for being so prepared and said she’d love to meet me again on my four next babies.
NOT EVERYONE HAS GOOD EXPERIENCES AT BIRTH. I do not mean when an accident happens, but when the pregnant women have a hard time being able to give birth. Due to cultural differences, a foreigner may be confused about what is expected of her. What is the pregnant woman’s role at birth in Norway? And the midwife’s? Information and good communication are very important.
I have a friend who is also from abroad. She had a very hard time the first time she was going to give birth. She’s a doctor herself. In her home country, as in Brazil, doctors are expected to take control of births. They offer epidural and decide almost everything. Therefore, when she came to the delivery room, she expected the midwife to offer pain relief and decide for her. But it did not happen. In addition, she did not know that it is allowed to change midwives if you are not comfortable with the one you’ve got. Just say you do not have good chemistry. It took 25 hours from the first contractions until the baby was born. She was exhausted, weak, in pain, trying not to faint. You know what the midwife had given her? Paracetamol. It was a terrible experience. All women’s nightmares. But the second time she was going to give birth, she was well acquainted with Norwegian culture. That she should play an active role and ask for pain killers, procedures, etc. -“This second time, I got a very good midwife and had a wonderful, safe and easy birth”, she said.
PREPARE YOURSELF AND INCREASE THE CHANCES OF A GOOD BIRTH. I believe that a thorough preparation can really contribute to good birth experiences. Here are my crucial important tips:
1- Know what is offered and expected of you as a pregnant woman according to the Norwegian culture.
2- Take control. Birth is about you and your baby. Ask the midwife about the painkillers that are best for you. Say what you need, fear and want. Feel free to write a list and give to the nurses when you arrive at the hospital.
3- Believe in yourself and your instincts. Prepare, get information and enjoy yourself a lot. Congratulations! You are pregnant in Norway. Good luck.
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Tudo termina bem quando começa bem!
Parabéns.
Muito obrigada😊