Why Norwegians won’t lift you if you fall down on the street.

Cultural differences can lead to misunderstanding, misjudgment and can be an obstacle to your happiness in another country.

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One of the sentences I hear the most from foreigners in Norway is that Norwegian people are cold.

It was actually a big debate at society class we had at language center. We all wanted to crack the code of Norwegian society. We exchanged experiences and those who had a Norwegian husband or wife had inside information to share with the group.

From my experience, Norwegians are people who are raised to follow rules but not to approach strangers. Only exception is in case someone has a heart attack or traffic accident. And that’s because it’s in the law.

Norway’s history and geography has made them hard-working and reserved. Women and men are pretty self sufficient, not relying on other people’s help. It’s hard to get into their social circle, but once you’re in, you will see they are devoted to their family and friendly.

The everyday politeness like open the door for a pregnant woman at a store, hold elevator door open for an old man approaching, offer to get a cup of coffee for your colleague, offer to hold heavy bags for an old lady until her car; those things you can just forget. Lowering your expectations will make you happier.

In Brazil, people mind each other’s business and count on each other on a daily basis. Every time I walked to the beach with my baby in a stroller, a teenager came running to lift it up and help us come to the sand, without me asking AND without expecting payment. Children are raised to give their grandma the arm for her to hold while walking. We’re much more physical towards each other. Not to mention carnival.

In Norway, however, they don’t feel comfortable touching strangers, talking to strangers. They’re super private. It’s cultural.

I get tired of hearing prejudice from both sides. It’s a theme I am truly engaged in. There’s real prejudice and there is paranoia: what I think they think of me. I have awesome Norwegian friends who have saved me many times in varied situations. I also have the sweetest foreign friends who claim they can’t get into the Norwegian’s social circle. I’ve heard of immigrants who have suffered prejudice. I myself was discriminated at a shop in Stavanger once. I’d really like people to acknowledge that we are all human beings, to embrace our differences. I’d like locals to understand that immigrants aren’t a threat. We’re here to add, to contribute, to work, to make Norway our home too. And I’d like immigrants to understand that here is a new country, with other social codes, other habits and that doesn’t mean a bad thing. Let’s embrace the new culture together.

You may say I’m a dreamer. Yes, I believe that positive attitude can make life much happier. I see at kindergarten and schools, efforts to help kids see diversity as a positive aspect. They learn about their classmates’ parents’ origin, country flag, language, etc. I think this new generation will be more tolerant and even teach their parents to embrace cultural differences. An interesting article from a Norwegian man, about accepting and embracing our different cultures is here if you’d like to catch up on the language. There are also good books to explain and help us, like this one. And I am about to buy this one for myself.

Bottom line is: in Norway, we must play an active role in order to get help. Norwegians do help others. They just don’t offer it to strangers. Be that information at school, job search guidance at NAV, help with heavy bags downtown, asking someone to hold the door open for us, make friends.

Here, they won’t lift you up in case you fall down UNLESS YOU ASK them to.

Talking about your rights in Norway, I’ll give you three examples.

• At NAV. When you are looking for a job, you get a veileder (guide) at NAV to help you with your CV, placing you at the market, etc.
• At a job interview, the boss is not allowed to ask a female candidate is she is or wants to get pregnant. It’s private.
• Giving Birth at the Hospital. If you don’t like the midwife, you can and should ask to change for another. Just say there’s no chemistry. You have the right to be well assisted.

Don’t be shy. Norwegians are very direct and practical. And, very important: Be yourself. You are unique and you have a lot to contribute to the Norwegian society. Believe me, they need us. 🙂

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